A week ago, I submitted my rewrites for Kids Talk Justice. I wrote and edited like a madwoman for the twelve weeks of summer. Everywhere. It was the hardest work of my life. In the late hours of the night, I wrestled with words.
These topics are not easy, made more complicated by the difficulties facing our nation.
I expect the next round of edits to be equally hard. This is my promise and prayer, I will not give up.
Proximity is essential in our lives.
We need it now more than ever. So much has happened.
There is so much hurt and unkindness. So many fractures.
I promise to keep listening. Wrestling. Struggling. I would do it over again because sometimes the most important things are the hardest.
Like this photograph, sometimes the most important things are simple too.
When you are not superwoman it is very difficult to keep your life together. In normal life I can’t do Pinterest perfect, but life while working full time and writing a book, and being a Mom looked pretty ugly.
I have always known I have limitations, but they were greatly amplified through this process. I’d love to share some things I learned.
We Can Do Hard Things!
The learning curve for this first one was steep, but I figured it out. It was messy and ugly. There were times I wanted to pull my hair out or crawl into bed and never get out. We can do hard things! I think what eventually emerges will not be messy!
Some days I didn’t think I would make it. Working at school all day, driving kids to activities, trying to balance everything else. Every day I tried to accomplish one thing no matter how small. Some days that looked like one sentence. Other days it was thinking through one of the topics in my head. That forward momentum kept me going.
Seasons of No
I also had to say no… a lot. This was not comfortable to me. I’m a people pleaser and saying no makes my stomach hurt. I learned people understand when you have seasons where no needs to come more frequently. People have been gentle and understanding.
God Works Through Us to Uplift Each Other
Friends mean so much. I have received such needful support at the very moments I needed it most. God works through us to uplift each other. It doesn’t go unnoticed by me to be thankful for those God has placed in my path. Also… even when you are thirty-eight you still need your parents. I also missed my first family trip to Iowa at Thanksgiving to stay home and write. Everyone survived.
I stayed up very, very late at night to get my writing done. I should learn to drink coffee… (it is more fun to eat junior mints though). I did not watch television. Therefore, I have no idea about This is Us, except Milo and Mandy would be enough to make me a fan. I wrote and did little else for the last six months. My house is so messy, it is taking us all spring break to clean it back up. Other people might have faired better, but I was not one of these women. I tried to embrace my limitations, dig in and do what I needed to do.
Kids Talk Justice
Kids are brilliant. Every time I wanted to give up. I’d read their survey’s and quotes. Beautiful. Brilliant. Needful. It helped me realized that this work is important. We need to champion them to be all they can be in the work of justice. They are specially equipped.
I needed God very much. I kept repeating… please be the author of this book God. Give me the right words. He listens. I will commit to keep praying this prayer. It has been a humbling experience. I have so much to still learn about writing, justice and being who God want me to be.
A week ago I got to hit send!
The next time I see that puppy, it will be bleeding red. That will help shape it into something infinitely better. Something that used to be so scary to me, is welcomed now. I can hardly wait to share the finished product with you all!
I can’t wait to share the voices of kids concerning justice. Their words will inspire and challenge us all more than anything else. I can’t thank you all enough for your love and support. We have a long way to go, but the hardest part has passed.
And I do love writing so much. My friend Julie at work asked if I would want to do it again. Yes, I answered without even thinking. Writing my heart is so much easier for me than talking it out.
Clearly, I am not superwoman. I’m thankful God still uses me in a small way to make a difference.
I’m looking forward to being back here more to share all I can about justice issues in the world, engaging our kids and offering all the encouragement I can find. We need it right now, so very much.
I’m getting closer and closer to my first big deadline over here- less than three months and counting. Everyday it’s prayer first, second, last and a hundred times in between. I surely would never be doing this on my own. Even then, I’m constantly fighting away the not good enough feeling that follows me wherever I go. I keep pushing forward and I am on my knees.
I am so thankful for all your encouragement and also for the surveys so many kids filled out! (I am still accepting them, if anyone else is interested!) Kids are the best and they are brilliant.
I want to encourage you in this new year. I am giving away three books I have recently read.
For the past year I have been in the humblest spaces. Places where no echoes, pathways turn into dead ends, and the silence is never-ending. Somehow in the midst of all those questions and rejection, God gave me the biggest surprise.
I am so excited to share this journey with you. So many of you have supported me from the very beginning. I could not be more thankful for your voices, hearts, and encouragement.
My heart is so happy to be writing something that means so much to me.
And I would love to ask for your voices!
Would you be willing to lend your voices? Here’s how you can help!
Help your kids answer the Kids Talk Justice Questionnaire! You can print it off in PDF, or let me know you are interested and I’ll get a copy to you! You can access them here: elementary/teen questions and young kids questions.
You can lend your voices with one simple question. How do you talk justice with your family?
Sign up for the Talk Justice quarterly newsletter for updates on the right side bar of the website or let me know and I’ll sign you up.
Here is my encouragement to you:
never give up- for God is able to do immeasurable more than we could ask or imagine.
Today, I want to offer you encouragement. Someday soon, I can tell you about the past six months, all the closed doors, false starts, waiting, questioning, being humbled again and again… and the open doors. The ones that move the slightest bit and leave you stunned.
This is what I know, God cares for us with a gentle, careful love. He always has and always will. Even if we don’t at all see clearly what he is doing in our lives. That in itself is a tremendous thing.
To call you friends is a tremendous thing.
I want to give away three books I read over the summer- as we all free fall into a new season where our calendars expand and responsibilities pile up.
Hand Free Life: 9 Habits for Overcoming Distraction, Living Better, and Loving More by Rachel Macy Stafford
Present-over-Prefect: Leaving Behind Frantic for a Simpler, More Soulful Way of Living by Shauna Niequist
Overwhelmed: Work, Love and Play When No One Has the Time by Brigid Schulte
I pray for you all to be able to slow down this fall season and see the cracks of light streaming through the doors God opens for you.
Leave a comment to be entered to win. Or direct someone over to our Facebook Page if you think they might be encouraged there, let me know to be entered.
How do you practice being present over being perfect?
As of June 14 another school year will be completed! A bittersweet moment for me, as I most likely will be doing a new work in the fall. It was my great privilege to be a small part in the lives of some incredibly special students with special needs. They have my heart- forever. You could pray for me in the coming weeks that I feel God’s peace and clarity moving forward.
We got a long-awaited puppy! Meet Ginny Weasley Van Engen, a German short-haired pointer. She is sweet, puppyish and has lots of energy. The kids have been waiting their whole life for her!
I finally get to share a project I was blessed to be a contributing writer for called Changed for Life. Changed for Life is a free, downloadable online resource from the CRC and RCA that equips short-term mission teams, the hosts who receive them, and the congregations who send them, to craft a well-organized mission experience with the potential to catalyze lifelong change.
The curriculum features the work of established voices in cultural intelligence and missions Kurt Ver Beek, Jo Ann Van Engen, and David Livermore. Read more about the why behind the curriculum from Pastor Shannon Jammal Hollemans called Missions Tourism. I loved being a part of this project, because it is challenges us to think about seeing how God is already at work where we serve and joining God in that work alongside one another.
Summer also means Talk Justice Playgroups! If you are in the Holland area, I so hope to see you there! Sign up for updates at our Facebook Event Page or send me an email! Our first date is Monday evening June 20! Meet up at Kollen Park from 6:30- 7:30.
We will support ACTS, a local ministry led by Jamie Blom that reaches out to neighborhood kids through meals, art, and an open door. Listen to a story about creativity, play at stations, make newspaper watercolor hearts, and contribute to the collaborative art project it takes a village.
Let’s encourage the Blom’s and their ministry by bringing needed donations like Meijer gift cards for meals, gas cards for field trips, art supplies, or even toilet paper.
Our dear Amy L. Sullivan has released the second book in her Gutsy Girls Series (Gladys Aylward: Book 1). This addition is a beautiful, moving, and winsome look at the sister duo of Corrie and Betsie ten Boom. I love everything about giving our girls role models that are worthy examples of making a difference! Want more book suggestions- join Amy’s summer book club looking at more books for girls and talking to their authors.
What does the summer hold for you family? I can’t wait to keep doing justice together!
Since December I have experienced four large rejections.
A goodbye to the work I have known for three years.
I have moved from despair, sadness, feeling like an utter failure, to peace around and around again. This is what I have been learning:
The stories we tell ourselves are not always true. It’s easy to go with the failure route… but deep down I know failure is not the story of any one of us, including myself.
“I’m not getting what I want.” I told some friends. Afterwards, I thought about that. I’m like a toddler throwing a tantrum. Maybe, this time it’s not what I want, but what God wants.
Waiting is hard. Be kind to yourself.
Sometimes, we don’t know. We just simply don’t know. I have no idea what my life will look like this fall. The answer to that may be a beautiful beginning or it might be a hard space. Either way, I have learn for it to be well with my soul.
Even though you know God cares for you and has a plan, it sometimes feels lonely and desolate, and that is all right.
Trust your heart. I guess I never had a huge sense of clarity or ambition about my career. I just want to love people. Too simple, probably. But me… always.
I’m a control freak all over my own life. This desert period… not even an option. I couldn’t control this train if I wanted to. I’m pretty sure when I meet Jesus he’s going tell me that I sucked at this part… trusting him to know what’s best for my life.
I have had to admit that I’m thirty-seven and I have absolutely no clue right now. I have re-occurring dreams of packing, not being quite ready, and being in two spaces sometimes three. It has to be alright to say I don’t know. If you ask what I’m doing next, what God is doing in my life, where I am heading, I will say, “I don’t know, and not only do I not know, I haven’t the faintest clue.” It makes people uncomfortable, but maybe we need to become more comfortable with not always having an answer.
and I came across this line from Dr. Seuss
It’s opener, out there, in the wide, open air.
9. We don’t always get what we want. We don’t always get the easy path, the quick answers, the beautifully packaged clarity. And somehow we learn for that to be okay.
Out in the open air… it’s wide and expansive and scary. But, in that openness we learn to breath in God.